"Me and my scars, holding up the sky"..

I was fascinated by this line which I read in Tidal post, "Me and my scars, holding up the sky"..wow describes me so much how I am viewing and living my life.

Just like Tidal I feel I am a superwoman more than me feel it , alot of people expect me to be one. I have to keep on smiling and trudge on non complaining and be happy.I should not ask "why me ? " Accept what life has dished out to me and not question this invisible karma which plays havoc with my life a life that has lost all flavors and leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

If I could see why this karma is affecting me, then I will not question my fate in this life , but to blindly believe that whatever I am suffering is cos of some wrong I did in my previous birth ?

No way !! can I suffer this and take it lying down quietly. I need answers which no one can give and I am not ready to listen to astrology mambo jumbo , which I have learnt thru the hard way is a pack of lies. People make money at your expense and I hope the same karmic force which is taking revenge on me will also takes its toll on this pack of liars called the astrologers .

I just told my astrologer/priest who are you ? to come between me and my creator ? I will talk with the divine force and fight my battles with her. If the force is not able to help and the hands tied then how can it be the all supreme power ?If the Divine cannot help me with my troubles what is the purpose of it being around?

As i struggle to get my answers " me and my scars , are holding up the sky " in my life so that it does not come down and engulf me and the little peace I have in my life that I lead now ........ SO how ever I try to look at life the scars I have suffered will always cloud my vision.....brighten it pale it or make it neutral ..

"Me and my scars " ....give life a different look ..a vision so different ..people look at us differently.. and how I look at this world in a different perspective and in the process make a lot people lament " oh my gosh she gives me a headache "

Something to ponder on in this week and look within...

Mask

The mask
a mask is my expression
day in day out
as I peer at the world
at its play
at its work
at its unfairnesss
its easier to wear a mask
then show the world my bleeding heart
M M (2008

Best father you can ever imagine

Best father you can ever imagine


The best father you can ever imagine

for all are daddy's little Angels

to be loved and held

ever so close

away from this world

so cruel

those who throw

stones and words

and tarnish the halo

the halo all Little girls

see their daddy's in

No father will ever hurt his child

the price he had to pay for his

fame

was the shame and anger

they felt

whatever may be

whatever said


he was the

best father you can ever imagine ....


Rest in peace Micheal ....

M M

chumma

Well selva a friend wrote a blog about nothing (chumma) and I got curious and wonder if it possible to write about "nothing ",I guess you can just aimlessly ramble on and on about "nothing "? Well people do chat about "nothing " and some call it idle gossip and some say an idle mind is a devils workshop . but I think it is good to talk about nothing once in a while to keep your sanity intact in this fast revolving world ...and the rat race.Rat race? I wonder why they call it a rat race and not a Marathon or a cross country race ..because humans are real rats and they take on more then they can chew and mess up their lifes or are the rats from mooska vahannam of Lord Ganesha , the lord responsible to remove all obstacles and to make any process move freely.

People do all kinds of crazy nothings to make lord Ganesha our buddy to fulfill our desires ..like break a 1000 coconuts , offer him modkam and bribe him.

well to come back to "nothing "..if we offer nothing and pray will the gods not listen ...

well I guess so but then the coconut seller will not have an business....so I guess its all a business process ..do I make sense ..?

Well the big ado about nothing ends right now but if you have anything to add feel free and also please forgive me for taking up your time on "nothing " , but I guess I wa so inspired by selva "Nothing " blog that I had to add my share of "nothing " to it and Its also good for the soul like chicken soup for the "nothing " written and I aplogize again and take my leave , as alot of you ,I know will be saying what a "nothing" and slap your head in desperation and say hey go to bed

memories

There are many things that get memories "Re-activated" by a thought ,a deed and even a smell. There have been instances where when I walk past a cake shop, or a cinema many good memories come rushing back jolting me back to the past. When I was younger past was not something I placed much importance in, the world was mine to do as I saw fit and there was so much to look forward to. As the years rolled by suddenly memories had great value and importance in my life.Just looking at Polar cake shop gave me a warm feeling for my dad took us there and we crammed our faces with cream cakes and downed generous large glasses of milk shake all creamy and rich..with dad next to us beaming and enjoying it all...then a walk to the not in existence capitol theatre for a movie...even some movies have extra special thoughts..
I saw wizard of Oz ,Sound of music and Benhur all with my dad who loved English movies.
Last week I had to pack my brothers bag and as I lugged in his luggage ..I was dazed by a sudden flash back of dad packing....
My dad used to travel a lot.And most trips were on the spur of the moment ,with phone calls coming to inform my sister to pack as the flight was leaving in three hours time. He had his much travelled and trusted luggage which only he used. And the routine was when he rushed back home to pack my sister would have his clothes neatly placed dad would instruct this shirt and that pant.And most importantly the small ivory Krishna who roamed this earth with him was placed in a sandlewood box loving folded in a silk cloth....

Memories like this make me cry but at the same time something to share with my siblings , and when I voice it out our wet eyes meet and we knowing nod our heads.
For my daughter who did not get to this great man .,,,these memories of mine give her some insight into a manwho was loved by so many ....and who she can proudly say is my "Grandad "

The rays of divine blessing find me Thru
the branches of hurt and pain
as i stand in darkness of the menacing tree of life
it bends thru and reaches me
its beauty makes me speechless
its care makes me weep
for its all overpowering love felt in
its light
My T Lee

dance

I dance in the light
of the moon as it
shines its force
pulls me to the
centre ofmy heart
as I meditate deep within me
for the meaning of my existence
the days of my life
on this hell and heaven
as i battle this karma
which I do not respect
for it has no right to
exist in the presence of Gods divinty
and power as
I dance in the light of the moon
in the pure bliss of the divines love
M M (2008