COFFEE WITH ME

canvas of our heart

2011-11-18T16:22:00.002+08:00

Memories etched on the canvas of our heart

Memories of a time

that was so vulnerable

where life was so

simple and touching

people were simple and

great

all loved with their hearts

held nothing away

now a time

where you are judged

by the your balance and not your

love

not your affection or the work

of good done

all that matters is the

underline where all is added and subtracted

but there is a time when we feel the love

of old

when we meet and hug

we realize the new is not shiny and bright

just confusing and glaring ..

memories etched on the canvse of our hearts

MM (2011)

The sand of time

2011-11-07T09:31:00.002+08:00

Part of me feels wrenched

in great pain

the universal game

of separation

of two souls

in love

we meet like the wind

from different directions

and like a cyclone

we stir and turn

like the wind we are gone

to meet again

in time prescribed

in the sand of time
MM (2011)

Speaking in silence

2011-11-04T21:40:00.003+08:00

Speaking in silence

is so easy

then speaking in words ....

for its become a habit

Are we not creatures of habit?

MM (2011)

A home

2011-08-24T21:06:00.003+08:00

I stood outside the gate

waiting for the pain

and tears to wash over me

all I saw was a little girl

skipping around the garden

bending over her little flowerbed

and whispering her secrets

to the fairies only her little eyes

could behold

innocence was her best friend

happiness waiting to be snatched ...

little did she realize

god was cruel too ...

for he gave so much and snatched so much

and then comforted one in prayer ...

I stood outside the home I loved

waiting for the pain and tears to wash over me ...

the years had passed but not the yearning

to be in that house of love...

to many its just sand and stones ...

If only the house could speak

it would tell a tale of happiness ...

and innocence

of a family .

MM (2011)

Owling is Malasana ....an introduction Ver1.0

2011-07-16T08:59:00.009+08:00

Owling is the latest Internet trend or craze after planking...planking ? you ask me ... planks which are use to build bridges and close up holes..?? NO here it means

lying across objects such as tables and and in extreme ones.. the bathroom potty face down...in a motionless moment... but now ... step aside its owling now ..

OWLING.....it consists of nothing more then crouching on ones haunches and staring into space like an owl..now people are posting pictures of themselves in unusual places crouching like and OWL... and staring... well I think its a good pose for those stressed out and this pose is recommended by yoga for those always sitting on their butts ..for long period...... like the facebook addicts ...

Malasana (also called Garland Pose) is a wide squat. If you spend most of the day sitting in chairs this pose is for you! It really helps to open your hips. In many parts of the world, where sitting on the floor is common, the squat is a position that people naturally take in order to relax. It allows the skeleton to relax and prevents compression on the tailbone, the sacrum and in the lower back.

Well before the Internet world comes out and says its newest discovery ... let me tell you that in asian villages this is a normal way of sitting ..so as not to get your saree or dhoti dirty as you wait for the local bus
or a friend to come by... or when some one is smoking or erm ... doing their business...( get it ? ) there will be hold they crouch above ... this may be a great phenomenal to the western world ..but for the eastern world.. its so normal..

this is an introduction .... to the crazy trends in this stressful world ... of MINE !!!

a tribute to my cousin ...

2011-06-25T10:05:00.004+08:00

Dear World

Its not been a good week ..as news came in that the cousin I grew up with had died from a heart attack.He was only 51years old. Someone who had laughed ,cried and fought with me ...

like a movie film shots passed thru my head of him, doing ridiculously random cooking experiments on Sunday ... as the kitchen was turned upside down... as whatever he read and saw on tv got translated on to our sunday lunch ...all with a Indian twist .. as he sweated and smiled and poured in all kinds of juices to make the gravy ...to give it a extra "yummy" favour ..as he riddled the maids with all kinds of stories and made them giggle and do his bidding ...

He was the one they turned to if they needed things urgently and he sneaked them in and then threatened to expose them ....all in good fun..

He was there behind the scenes when dad died and all of us were not in a fit state to do anything ... he was there when we cried and laughed ... and on my bad days to torment me about my kajal ....

He took our ribbing of him as Ramarajan ...aunt used to get upset that her son was labeled such ...but then he resembled him but he was a well dressed and had good dressing sense ... unlike the actor..

Marriage and family commitments took him further away to the west of singapore ...even though singapore can be reached in half an hour ...it was a distance of mind rather then ....kilometers or miles..

Those rare moments that we met ...his eyes always watered and his lips trembled with love and affection ...

My last call was in January when I informed him about a wedding in the family .. ...

But when sets me thinking now is life is so short .. i feel that it is closing in on me and I have not done or had things that matter in life ... I have not enjoyed things so many take for granted in life ..

Its just like at a wink of the eye ....My life has fast forwarded and I find myself now here in time... I pushed on to go with the daily grind of responsibilities .. the ones cast on me but I have lost so much that is suppose to be one birthright ..I thought it was ..maybe not its a privilege enjoyed by GODs chosen ones .....

Here I am waiting ...told to wait "your time will come " ... or now is not the time ...next year ... is what i am told. .. but my time is running out fast from under my feet ...will I go to my grave ...before i have felt i got what I am searching for ...

I feel time leaking out of my clenched hands ....

Check out this great MSN video: Episode 5

2011-05-15T18:40:00.000+08:00

Check out this great MSN video: Episode 5

meet we did ...

2011-02-27T13:02:00.002+08:00

Where did we meet

how did we meet

there are no answers to this

how did the first

connection happen

what were our first words

only the first touch

and the first kiss

register in our mind

for it was written in the tides

of times

that we were meant to meet

after the pain in our lives

had eased

and the hunger to meet

our soul mates

made us raise our eyes

to meet and realize

it was homecoming ...

Mythili M ( 2011)

An Anchor in my life ......

2011-02-16T08:19:00.005+08:00

An anchor in my life

you are the one

as I sway and tumble

in the turbulent ocean of life

as I lose my focus and and go wayward

as the laws of karma pull me

You pull me in my anchor

and steady me with your love

As the waves of life

clash me and slash me

and tears blur my vision

and make my path unfathomable

you pull me in my anchor

and steady me with your love

As the voices of mankind

burn me with their unkindness

and burn my soul with their

rods of fire

you pull me in my anchor

and steady me with your love

When blood and kin

cannot understand me

and judge me in darkness

you pull me in my anchor

and steady me with your love

The higher being

who pushed us into

this sea of samsara

smiles on us

you my anchor

who steadys me with you love ...and makes me

sail this ocean

of life

as you pull me in ....and

steady me with your love ...

Mythili M copyright @2011

farce of a facial..

2010-12-04T23:19:00.004+08:00

I sent a mail and signed up for a facial ...it was a special for the members of the social networking site.And I thought why not it was so near my home.And I needed some where nearer to go for a facial. The staff were real nice and sweet.And she told me the steps ...two times cleansing , a scrub,S lotion, steaming, collagen mask massage and the usual stuff..she was sweetness personified.

I check listed a form ..with so many boxes and I am sure they were most keen on two boxes ..my income and how many times i go for a facial. I was told it will take one and half hour

I was tired and walked in my very casual wear. What they did not know abt me is I started my facials with Orlane ..one of the finest cosmetics pioneer. And I know facial steps in and out. They must have thought what the heck ..this Indian lady what she knows.

I had cursory cleansing done...just a few seconds...and the scrub was not even felt and then a S lotion and a steam for 20 minutes..

Then a mask and then a massage ,...sorry lady I have gone thru massage from trained and experience hands ... and that was not a massage...
it was just playing with my cheeks..

and then a another mask ..and left for it to set...all finsied within an hour.I was told it will take maximum one and a half hours...

The she comes saying wakey wakey ...yes I am clown for coming to this type of facials. In any facial the neck is also taken care of ..that is the rudiment of a good facial...and the mask was applied with a brush just clumsily and over my eyelids and under my eyes..

My neck was not even touched...when I asked her later she said when i come for a the signed up facial..the regular one she will give me a shoulder rub...and I asked what aout the neck will it be also touched on..In any facial the neck is cleansed and mask applied.She just looked at me..

Whats the point of doing this marketing to promote their services if on the first impression they give such bad service?
Or was it just me ...?
They were simply trying to sign me up for a package,,,
I know they need packages to factor in the high cost of operating but if they want new people to come , then facial should be a good one..not a farce ,,,

I should have know when they said it was $18 plus Gst...I wonder if it was someone else from a different race group .. the facial would have been better??

A child of the Universe...

2010-12-03T00:09:00.003+08:00

Am I not a child of

of this universe

to be held and comforted

where are you

my protector..

the one who created

me ,,

blew air into me

this life

is leading me

thru a maze of pain and hurt

you see where the dots are leading

not me ....

so save me ..

before I melt

into a smothering pot of

pain...
M M (2010)

Hi God I am a big fan of your work

2010-11-15T23:18:00.003+08:00

Eat pray and love..

well its most of the time eat pray and sleep. That's what most humans do now adays. Eat to live, pray for peace and sleep of the tiredness of life and its stress and tension.

Went to the movie without reading the book ,just on hearsay and the attention grabbing title..

Everyone goes thru a period of their life when they wonder if they have made the right decision or feel there is something so missing in it.And Cry we all do in the night when we believe all are sleeping and vent our frustration and pain and mostly talk and fight with the big guy above. And fall asleep in exhaustion.

Food is way to elevate our frustration and pain and the colours ,texture and taste not only tingle our taste buds but in a way our mind to move away and fill our souls with taste and fulfill something in us other then what we were searching for in the first place.Thats why most if us gorge on food...at least something in our life is fulfilled..:)

Meditation is not as easy as it seems.and not all of us are able to even get to the threshold of nirvana,as most pretend to get peace from it ..am i being sarcastic..i guess so. most of the time we sleep and come out thinking we have reached the point of meditation...meditation is sleep ...deep sleep....that my take.And to bring out all those things which give us pain and leave behind unsatisfied desires ...

balance bewtween both is where you find love...and enjoying life and pray...
But where u unexpectedly find love is the ultimate point of all this...where you never thought you would find it...where you lose you balance and do not know what to do ...is the balance of life...especially when we plan and construct what we think we want in life and want to be in full control of whatever is happening in our lives..
And life gives us things beyond our control and we have to learn the balance to enjoy it all...:)

Ran from the pain

2010-10-16T21:50:00.002+08:00

I ran and hid from the

pain ,scared it would hurt me again

but ...just realized

its just a numb ache..

you cannot hurt me

anymore...

just despiase and hatred

for the soul you are...

Forgetting how to be happy

2010-10-14T22:09:00.002+08:00

Forgetting how to be happy.Can that happen ..? I wondered many times when well meaning friends would say that when someone was unhappy. And I always thought what a stupid line that was.Happiness is our birth right and how can we forget to be happy..Look at a new born child who would smile with happiness in its sleep or when tickled or just played.No one taught a child to be happy it just happened ...maybe it was in its DNA,in its gene or just waiting to jump out when a human needed it.Would someone really forget how to be happy ? No way screamed my logic down the years.

Seeing a butterfly fly and that too on the roses that was planted by you...or when the dish you cooked turned out so well, your husband took a another helping and praised you...when your child took its first steps and managed a few more before tumbling and catching a chair and giggling...and down the years when she managed to complete her school work and bring home a C and not even a A ...well that was pure unselfish happiness and it did not need a invite it just happened ..how did this forgetting how to be happy happened...?

Well it does happen I realized today ..slowly and steadily it does happen. As I gazed from the window as I travelled ..I found that I had no taste in my mouth ..not a distaste ...a no taste...it was just flat..and I wondered what I was doing and where I was going and for what reason..? All seemed so shallow and dull...And I looked at what I was wearing and that too was so dull...

And I forced my self to feel some happiness as I gazed at the seafront and the waves slowly lapping ...and at the blue sky and the butterflies ..not even my fellow passengers invoked any interest in me..And I closed my eyes and to stay calm..that too did not work as my eyes opened and I blindly gazed at the world that moved passed me in a hurry and realized that I have slowly forgotten how to feel happy ...

This day in my history ...

2010-05-27T08:31:00.003+08:00

can I erase this day ..
make it not exist..
so that my life would have changed for the better?
I would be in places with different kin and friends..
who knows happy and contented...
respected by society
not weighed down by controversy or whispering...
or superstitious woman who wound my heart on a happy occasion...
some normalcy ....some blanket which covers me from radars...
a companion who will take my silliness and pamper me with words and care...
a shoulder to shoulder my burdens...
and make me push on towards a common dream...or goal...

but then ...I realize i would not have had my angel ....
if it had not been for that fateful day
for t you are my guiding force when i struggle and stagger and wonder
if this is life that i was meant to live...

you make it a little bit more bearable and
some sense into this life that haunts me daily with its pain...

M M (2010)

Am I....

2010-05-18T22:55:00.003+08:00

Am I not in your thoughts

as you go about in your daily

grind...

Am I not felt

as you feel the tiredness

of the day

Am I not realized

as you get enlightened

day in and day out

Am I not cherished

as you safeguard your loved ones

Am I not needed

as you need the air and love....

M M (2010)

Flashback 15 years ago....

2010-04-29T21:37:00.004+08:00

In celebration of Mothers day and My little angels birthday ...they come together...few days a part
This day fifteen years ago I was wheeled into the operation theater and as I blinked at the bright lights overhead I panicked as I saw masked faces peering at me and patting me on my arm asking me to relax.One of the nurses whispered she is scared and as I shook my head I slipped into oblivion...to wake up in pain as I cursed and demanded to know who the baby resembled ...not my out laws oops in laws i said.

The room was brimming with my family as they looked on in worry as I had a difficult pregnancy.My doctor had warned it could be me, the baby or both of us would not make it thru as I had developed a condition called toxemia ...that is high blood pressure during gestation period and high protein in urine and the bloating of the body. I had gained 30kgs and looked like a bloated balloon.My feet had swollen three sizes bigger and I was as a doctor uncle called in distress...

I had to be in bed rest and not do anything which would raise my blood pressure.No reading ,no thinking ,just be happy my doctor advised,As my body turned blue black from lying down and my mind on distress mode I saw my life in tatters and no hope or faith in anything and here i was bringing another being into this world.God was trusting me and giving me custody of a little angel and I was doubtful if I was up to it.Hey ram i prayed what is this you were doing to my sanity I screamed inside me. As my daily companion was only tears and more tears.

Going to my doctors wasa torture as I stood out like a sore thumb (more likea bloated thumb) ,with all my weigh gain and also with the absence of my life partner as he should have been with me during this tiring time. I saw a lot of couples holding hands and in waiting room brimming with happiness and anticipation of a new member in their young family. If the mother to be moaned a little the husband would look on in concern and ask " sweetheart are you ok ..shall i call the nurse ?"I at alone im the corner and watched ...like a movie

And as i sailed in and out of the hospital after enforced bed rest one sunday I had to have an emergency Cesarean as my pressure was up and baby was not growing.So out she came early sunday morning 7th of may 1995 ...and she was in the neo natal ICU and in an incubator for observation as she was under weight.MY doctor whispered we did not expect her weigh to be so low ...let us observe her...she smiled

As my pressure came down and my weight disappeared miraculously ...I came home within five days ,,,,leaving my baby in ICU ....the next sunday was mothers day...I rushed to the ICU to spend my first mothers day with my little angel and as i whispered to her my promise to take care of her and to protect with all my might ..whatever might happen in the years to come , my tears rolled down and touched her little cheeks and my little angel opened her eyes and smiled at me ......Happy birthday my little angel ..these fifteen years have been Wonder and you have been a great source of comfort and love in my life ....I hope I have justified gods trust in me when he placed you in my care .....

As you step into your teen years , life will be a great challenge emotionally but always remember I am here to guide you and there is higher being watching over his little angels ....

Love you harini ........havea great day ....

Loving mother ...Sri Mariamman...

2010-04-09T08:59:00.005+08:00

A short story in celebration of the Kumbashiegam on 10th April 2010.

She ran with great difficulty.Holding her swollen stomach...trying to hold her unborn child safely within her.Tears and sweat mingled and flowed freely and burnt her eyes.behind her people were shouting and crying calling out to loved ones to hurry up.she stopped as a sharp pain went thru her and made her cry out.Two hands held her and asked in tender urgency ..."Are you alright amma..?? " .."it is just a a few more minutes amma to the temple,Mariamma will take care of you ...come my child" said her father as his eyes showed concern and tried to hide his fear. "Nanna where is Bava?" She asked after her husband."He is coming amma..come.." said her father.

As they ran ...they could hear the bombs and sirens going off.They had left the so called safety of their homes and were running to the only place they knew where they will be protected.Where her father went daily to give his gratitude and love for being blessed.As they crossed the threshold of the temple...she gave a cry and swooned to the cool floor of the temple.The temple pandaram came running...crying..."Ayiah vanga vanga....come come ...Thangachi thangachi,..."
They gently carried her to the santcum and gave her some of the holy water .

"Nanna ..where is bava ...my husband ? " she muttered...Her father looked away worried and walked to the temple entrance. He was not only his son in law but also his nephew the one who was to take care of his business and family. The sudden bombing had scattered all of them and he had bought his pregnant daughter to the only safe haven on the island ...the Sri Mariamman temple in south bridge road..
a stones drive from his residence on Cantonmant road.

He saw his daughter quietly sobbing at the sanctum of Mariamma, The mother of the universe..where each year all devotees walked on fire for their gratitude to her loving grace. She was due in a few months time and he was worried about her.He bowed to the goddess who from the day he landed on this island had been his guiding force.

As he prospered on this tiny island, he did all he could for the Goddess.He maintained and painted and did the kumbashigem a ritual of energizing the temple.
He would stand in front of her with his towel stretched ,begging her for her divine grace and love with tear streaming down his face.And she had never once disappointed him..and never would he know for he had full confidence in his mother...the mother of the universe.

A sudden siren was heard and all of them ran to the bomb shelter which was placed directly opposite to the sanctum and all of them went silently into it.All in their own thoughts.Of loved ones separated and having belief in Mariamma who will bring them back to them.

His daughter looked at him and he smiled and nodded ..."Laksmu will come komala...be brave" And she swallowed her fresh bout of tears and nodded.

Dong dong ...the temples bells were ringing..all of them looked at each other ...and they slowly stood up...as the shelter door opened ..they heard a gentle hum of the mantra ...Om shakthi ...Om Shakthi..and as they came out..they saw ..arthi being offered to the Goddess and Lakshmu .,,standing there...Lakshmana Perumal..

His daugther held his hands and cried ...running...to her husband...Govindasamy looked at his daughter and his son in law...and at His mariamma who never disappointed him ...tears flowed and as he walked towards the sanctum with his towel strected out in a form of begging.....and told his loving mother Mariamma ....Generations to come my family will be at your feet my mother...with your love and blessings...he vowed..

S L Mythili Devi...(2010)

This is as told to me by my mother Komalavalli Perumal.Who has a long relationship with Mother MAriammam at South Bridge Road.Before her father B.GOvindsamy Chettier PBM and her husband S L Perumal and after her ..son S L P Mohan and all of the SLP family.
Mariamma please bless us this day ..10 April 2010..... You talked to my grandafather...and gudied him ...please guide us as we fall at your feet...

For I am his child.....and he loves me dearly

2010-04-06T09:11:00.005+08:00

I woke with a heavy heart as my problems loomed over my head threatening to fall on me and suffocate me.I was breathless and my heart felt like it was being crushed.I put on as smile for my daughter as she got ready for school.Not wanting my helplessness to cast a shadow on a tender soul who needed all my love and care. A bud which was sprouting and needed a hothouse care and not the ravages of thunder and lightening of nature at its worst.

My daily ritual would be to sit in silence and its very difficult issue.for inside me the turmoil is so great there is no silence but alot of pain and anguish and tears.Its so real I can hear it but no one else.I sit in silence but only I hear the pain and tears. Its a very noisy affair..

As I tried to calm myself.I remembered April 1993 .......I was at a the divine abode of Bhagavan Baba at Prashanti Niliyam.I was with Dr V K Pillay ...someone I consider to be one of the most blessed persons I know for he is so blessed by Swami.
And I get an interview with his group.I cannot describe how I felt.I was so numb,excited ,unable to think ....scared that he would send me off before I reached his interview room. Just petrified beyond reason.

In the room he looked at me in and gave vibooti such a tiny amount which before i could even apply it to my forehead and lick it...was blown off because Swami had switched on the Fan.He spoke to the group..But I was not in this world.There was thunder in my ears , i could not hear anything.

Then he looked at me and he moved his hands up and down as if like a boat on a choppy waters then he did the thumbs up.ANd then he nodded to me and circled his hands and I heard a tickling sound and out came a silver chain with a small silver pendant with him on it. He put it around my neck and i fell at his feet and kissed it.I did not ask him anything...just being in his presence was all I needed.I was walking on air.

After that I went through the worst period of my life,And I hung on to the pendant as a life saver. Now seventeen year later I am at crossroads and helpless.And today I took out the his gift and put it on my palm and meditated.

I realized as I meditated that the life I was thinking of as a total disater and a write off is not so.For if I was a total washout Swami would not have given me a talisman to hold and to prod me on through this life where the last parts of it I have nearly decided to end it all. The pain and anguish I went thru has no meaning for me ,but he has all the meaning and the reason for it.As i gazed at the talisman
I felt a jerk and realization that it was given for a reason to me.To tell me to hold on and move on and be patient.Patience is not a virtue that I practise, But I have gone thru a examination of patience.

FOr I am his child and He loves me dearly and is with me....

As I go into my Facebook account I come across a posting on a devotees experience where Swami helps her in her college papers.Guides her thru all the mistakes and calculations in her dream.And She comes out tops in her class.

When Swami can Help her thru her college papers ...Swami will help me thru this life
a life he has placed me in and is responsible for ....

FOr I am his child and He loves me dearly......

bring in the clown

2010-04-01T23:10:00.005+08:00

Bring in the clown

his fate is to make others laugh

his sadness etched with the paint

of life...

As he wobbles thru life

and falls ..and falls

he looks up into the

jeering faces of life

those who sail thru life

on the wings of blessings of god

all given to them on a silver platter

of fate ...

Bring in the clown

for all is a disaster for him

as fumbles and tumbles thru life...

a spectacle of delight for all

as all laugh at his misfortune

his tears bring forth glee

and happiness...

never a happy clown...

has been seen in the

circus of life..

for he laughs for

others to make them gay

for he was born to

to cry

In the silence of

grief he performs

his duty of life

no one cries for a clown

no one cries for a clown

Bring in the clown

M M (2010)

Today

2010-03-20T16:30:00.002+08:00

Carried you within me

held you when you cried..

guided you through the years..

but today you held me

and I cried....

M M (2010)

not so normal

2010-01-24T22:22:00.002+08:00

The life around me moves

at its own speed

all so normal

so as it was meant to be

the expection is me

all turned wrong

all not so normal

I stand out as a sore thumb

so sore it pains me..so ...

M M (2010)

sky of life...

2009-12-29T19:15:00.000+08:00

if i don"t imagine...
life will be so plain for me....
my wishes and thoughts push me thru the days..
my life pains me...
u are my pocket of happiness
in this sky of life
M M (2009)

birthday present

2009-12-26T00:12:00.004+08:00

She sat by the window the most favourite place of all in her studio apartment.blindly flipping thru the a old magazine borrowed from her friend. She wished her sister had not called at all.There had been a stream of calls the whole morning.Wishing her for her glorious day that she decided to be born on this earth.No not she decided it happened by some unknown hand.Do we chose the days we are born on or its all destined?

As usual her husband had forgot ton the day.He had never remembered it not even on the year they had got married.That birthday she waited eagerly for him to wish her and sweep her off her feet with present and kisses and dinner and all things that newly married couples do.She was in deep anticipation dropping hints.He look blindly with her and went on with his daily routine.Not much of a routine, if you could call it one. The day dawned and she waited and morning passed.Her family called and wished her asking her what she had got from her husband,and she just mumbled on about that he was out on a urgent emergency as she saw him smoking in the balcony ..uncaring about the phone call..

evening came and she could not help it as she blurted out ...do you know what day it is ? And he looked blindly at her and all she could do was cry and tell him how could you forget my day ? He just turned and asked why should i be bothered ? I rather do something for the beggar on the road then for you he threw back at her.
As she cried and begged for his love and affection he lighted another cigarette and sat in his chair, tuned out to whatever anguish she lamented.

She wiped a tear and came back to the present ...three years had passed and it was the same each year.Now she had stopped asking or hopping burying all her desire s and hurt within her and it festered and killed whatever little of hope she had within her.No weekends no holidays all was not needed he told her,when as a new bride she demanded from he husband.Each time all that happened was she got hurt beyond repair and tears and pain were all she got as he just went to bed.Sleep he did at her expense and pain.Making her frustration gnaw her insides and make her a living dead. And live her life she did thru the window in her dreams.

Now she wondered what he could today ,for the past years he did not even remember their first wedding anniversary.When mentioned he would look at her with disdain and spit some hurtful word at her.

The doorknob turned and he walked in, he looked at her with a smile and said your sister called, here take this and he handed a piece of paper, she opened it ,it was a pink slip ,terminating his services with immediately effect. She placed in the drawer with the others that he received.A treasure trove of pain and a journey of uncertainty.

She realized that this was the birthday she would never forget...and he grinned at me and knew it gave him great pleasure to hand that paper to her on this day of all days ...

I feel....

2009-12-21T10:17:00.003+08:00

I feel a deepness

a fullness within me

A silence

And hope

That all is not the end of it

A new begining ..

a new stirring with in this life

not all is lost

just mere outer wrappings of the soul...

that were just a burden on the journey

of this life

that was gifted by the Universe

like lotus ....I bloomed ...

Though in the slush of this world

I fel a lightness , a silence ...

deep within me ..

no more turmoil or pain...

just a knowledge that

all is not lost

just patience and faith ....

that my time is here ..

all is not destroyed ...

just hidden from my view

to be reveled in mere minutes

of a miracle ...
thru the hand of nature

M M (2009)

Letters of faith

2009-12-20T00:23:00.003+08:00

She sat by the window and wrote her letters.All carefully and patiently written.Before her on the table were a stack of envelopes and a letter pad and a couple of pens. And write she did with great patience and a blind faith.The stack had become smaller for many letters had been written.

This was not a weekly or monthly or yearly affair, but a daily ritual.A ritual she had undertaken,Something that gave her the faith to plod on though she was sinking in her depression and pain.But The time she finished the letter she was in great pain and was crying.For each word she wrote opened the wounds that got healed a little when she posted it out daily expecting a miracle on a daily basis.

This was a ritual that she did after her days work was over.She would sit by the table and peek out of the window and start with a OM on the top.And she would address it
Dearest Bhagavan ....my humble pranams at thy lotus feet...Swami..you know what is happening in my life ...and then the tears would come and as they blinded her she would write and the tears would invariably smudge some of the words as she sniffed and dabbed her eyes,,,and write some more.

She would care fully fold it and write the address of the ashram where her living God resided. And she would take a slow walk to the post box.A ritual which gave her some hope and faith , but at the same time take her mind away from the problems or her karma as others would call it..

back.

2009-12-09T20:51:00.005+08:00

<
I landed at changi international this morning and what hit me was the silence of it all.No many people around and all working on clockwise precision.Pure sweet silence.No airport staff sanding around talking or just aimlessly walking around,all of them in their stations and doing what is their work.

Not only the silence hit me but the many issues waiting for me, as soon as I landed on the Singapore soil.Try as I might to have faith in the divine and plod on the insecurities build up and make me a mess.Faith can move mountains thats what i chanted to myself , as i took a cab home to a child and a dog who waited eagerly for me to be home after 40days .Forty days as i tried to do something to ease my tension.

There were many bright spots in my trip.Some pain some...But each one of then hopefully knows the pain and heartache I go thru...

Today as I sit and write this, I have decided that today will be the last day of my pain.Something happens or thats it for me ...I am not embarrassed to say I am not strong enough to take all this testing (thats what people say ) that the divine pushes on me.
I have tried my best but nothing is happening and I have no more strenght to push on...help needed urgently and that too pronto.Hear me or lose me ...thats all i have to say to nature and the universe...

myalpore..I love this place

2009-12-03T21:05:00.005+08:00

Mylapore..a haunting and fascinating part of chennai with the temple and the pond echoing the past. The area known for its spiritual leanings, where most visited to buy kumkum or get some books on religious chants.The home of radha silks ,a tradition in my family to buy Saree's for our weddings only there.it was lucky and a blessed place.My mom was welcomed with warmth,as a vip and she wore only rasi pattus.
And I remember as a child walkin and running thru the halls sitting on the white cushions and low chairs from where you could see brill ant hues of pure silk Saree's at their best.
it was a quiet place away from the maddening rush of the shopping crowd and you could bump into some celebrities and friends.

And today I was amazed at the growth of Giri Traders who was a small shop now a three storey shopping centre.

W used to drive down here all the way from T nagar just to buy vegetables my mom felt they were much fresher and cleaner. She used to talk about books that were written about mylapore attu ponnu....

Today I saw a new version of myalpore ..the temple is still there ...atill the past is there with new additions like saravana bhavan where i had tea !!!!!

My brother was keen to go to karpagam mess for his rava dosa and pumpkn halwa ....well some good thing do not change at all!!!!

daddy dearest ...

2009-12-02T14:23:00.000+08:00

Daddy dearest

The last time I saw you daddy dearest

You sat with the Goddess in her chariot

as you do each year , as she

blesses her children.

Your face shone with love

at her golden glory

Little did I know that

she too loved you dearly

and wanted her son back home

You looked so majestic in your white shirt and vasti

men stood with folded hands as you walked by to the main shrine

As you bowed and said your prayers ,

little did i know that

that you getting ready for your journey back

to your beloved mother

As i followed you

i saw a sea of mankind move aside

As you strode by

little did I know that

this was your grand send off

to a victorious return home

to the divine

M M

nature and my problems

2009-11-28T20:53:00.003+08:00

I have been walking around for the past few weeks or months I should say , my head buried in the sands alone with my problems.I wonder if I am the only one.? Today my walk on the beach made me wonder at the wide expanse of the ocean and its hidden mysteries and natures creation.and all of creation that lives in the deep waters. What we have been taking for granted and destroying it in our own way.Nature has gifted us a huge and rich marine life and it it is connected to our life system.Our survival is connected to its existence.

Nature has done it such that this life forms can exist and is taken care of and I am part of this cycle ..so nature would also take care of me and my problems ...

part of him

2009-11-22T12:47:00.003+08:00

News came that you
have passed on

Never Have I met you

Never known you

But I feel I do

for you are the one

who gave life to

the one I love

so true and strong

for he must be a part of you

and what you are

So I know you as a part of him

and what he stands for is what you stsnd for

yes I Do know you too.....

woodlands restaurent beware .....

2009-11-20T17:58:00.004+08:00

woodlands restaurent home of good tasty south indian food, Udipi food at its best that was what was the norm for many years.On all my nosotalgic trips back to chennai since as far as I can remember.

As a child of 10years My first stop for my favourite paper dosa was at shanta bhavan on pondy bazzar.I believe it is no more or called Balaji Bhavan now.It was not a very spic and span place, but the sambar was heavenly.Spicy and aromatic, you could drink it by the glasses.

An then it was woodlands restaurant. Today had an opportunity to have lunch at their Vrindhavan restaurant. Ambience's was good, but the noise level of the restaurant was totally on a higher level.A simple conversation was made diffcult by the staff.

My host and I hada rave dosa,A favourite of both of us.Dosa came very nicely roasted and crisp..slightly smelling of ghee.Mine has onions and corriender.ANy dosa is given life by the sambar and the chutney that accompanies it. Here we are in a for a rude shock...the sambar was ..not so aromatic and up to its old standards. ANd chutney was not spicy or of any significance.

Running a restaurnet for the past 20years has made my taste buds horned to perfection.and woodlands is just running on its past records.And their customer base may diwndle and slowly move to other greener pastures,so beware management and cooks you may have to look for a new job soon....

Customers a creatures of habits, an they would partonoze the same place for many other reasons other then food taste,but beware the day they taste some other restaurent and they may awake up and bide you adieu!!!!

The only highlight of the meal was my most esteemed host and the golden opportunity to have lunch with him.

Ente keralam...truly yours ....

2009-11-14T20:45:00.004+08:00

My brother since the day I landed in Chennai has been talking constantly about s specialty restaurant or should I say raving about it. I was kind of not agreeing to go as I am no great lover of aviyal.And from where i come from kerala food is not so yummy.
But then this Saturday I decided why not lets pay visit to this restaurant which is situated in a very classy neighbourhood in Chennai....#1 Kasturi road 1st Street Poes garden. Oh yes home of superstar and Amma!! The address has a lot of No 1.
Lets see ..I stepped in ...:)

The ambiance was very classy and staff very attentive ..so far so good.The areas were divided into rooms for privacy and table laid out with a copper pot with water and flowers and a small toy fishing net ...with a cup of banana chips and ginger chips ..a nice touch ..

I being a mutton lover...so it was mutton stew and my vegetarian brother allepay veg curry .
With a parotta.The parotta was thin and crispy and mutton stew was excellent .
Tender mutton pieces cooked to perfection in a lightly flavoured stew.And the appam was the best, so light and just melted in my mouth.The veg curry was spicy and in coconut milk...Nice touch ...

They did not have nannari so I had buttermilk..which was so so

Now the best end to the meal was their complimentary sulieman tea ..served in the olden times tea glasses.. traditional kerala tea flavoured with spices.Washed down the mutton stew ...that was a wonderful end to a wonderful meal...
Ente keralam...is definitely truly yours .And Yes I will be back to try more of their dishes....

Pondy Bazzar

2009-11-10T21:03:00.002+08:00

Chennai has changed so much.I cannot even recognize my road ...it is completely gone ,expect for my neighbour who refuses to budge and the house is still the same.She sits in the middle in her home surrounded by the towering buildings,

When i walked down pondy bazzar,I was taken back to twenty years back. It is the same ,but one good thing ,,the roads seem a little better to walk on .

a green sanctuarywithin a city gone..home of good coffee..

2009-11-07T13:36:00.009+08:00

A sanctuary within a bustling city ..a heaven of green ,with chirping birds and tender breeze,a step away from the sound of horns and autos screaming past.through the years on my many visits to Chennai…we would all pile into the car to a visit to the woodlands drive in restaurant.must do ..item on our list to do ...

As Soon I landed i wanted to go to woodlands for my south Indian coffee,and the sad news its not in existence anymore.what the heck ..?? What happened I screamed ..

Home of the best south India food.As you sit in the car and and servers attached their trays ..we would get sizzling hot crispy paper dosas and puffed up bathuras and Channa masalas and piping hot coffees...south Indian kappi..

And we sould spy some famous guys sitting with their chamchas and sipping coffee.it was a fashion to be seen ...in woodlands drive in.

No fashionable coffee shop can retain the charm of the old place with its flies and butterflies which swarm around us..as we washed our hands near the trees..

Chennai is losing its charm due to modernization, wonder what are the plans drawn up for it.Te staff have been scattered all over ..I tell you their service can never be matched,they are in the line for 40 years and know the order of a regular by heart..

Can you please bring back ..the woodlands drive in restaurent please.....!!!!

She writes....

2009-10-20T17:40:00.003+08:00

She writes
and waits
for her beloved
as the hand
is an instrument ...
of the love in her
heart
and yearning in her soul
which come out as
words of the soul
as she waits for her
love of her life..
on the doorsteps
of her universe...
M M

The seven steps...

2009-10-19T23:03:00.006+08:00

She sat in a darkened room ,chilled to the bones.She hugged herself and looked around the room ..This was the bedroom,but there was no bed ,nothing.expect the carpet which covered the wooden planks.When she walked into the room the floor creaked and made a noise which startled her.Worried her that she might just fall thru the planks and land below into the neighbours room down below.

She had just arrived to a new city ,a new country.Away from her family and the comforts she had grown up with at the mercy of a man , man who had married her.
Someone she had only spoken to for a few minutes during the ritual girl seeing farace. How can you know if he was the right one with a few minutes.Astrology was a science which had lost its truth in the money making business it was now.
She had put all her burden on God and agreed to the marriage.what more can she do..

After all they had all been drumming into her head ,she was fast reaching her thirties and may not find a bridegroom.Who would want a bride past her thirties they whispered.As each time the grooms sent word they were not interested.

Something held her back...But she said her prayers and told her god. whatever happens is because of you,I leave all in your hands she prayed.Blind faith was all that she had.

He flew back and she was to follow him.And she did after three months.She landed and in the cold of the evening she looked around for him.And there he stood blankly
and then he smiled, a lame one.Come he said ...lets get out of here as he wheeled her bags to the taxi.

The apartments building were two storey structures in the dim light.She could not see much as they walked up to the first floor.

There was no furniture ,nothing. Only the brown carpet that covered the floors.She quietly went in and stood in the tiny hall all alone.scared and frightened.
Time stood still as minutes ticked by she must have stood like that for hours or were it only a few minutes.She looked helplessly around the four walls.and felt a prison in a form of a home.
when she peeped into the bedroom, she heard a slight snore and saw a figure on the floor sleeping all rolled in blanket with the only pillow under his head.

She felt a chill again and she shivered.She softly touched him and asked him for a blanket and he snorted that there was not one.Tired from the long flight,hungry and thirsty,she looked at the man with whom she had to spend her life with.As he slept with not a worrry ,not even a care.Even a beggar on the road could have got some sympathy and comfort,as she stood over him...waiting...

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she sat quietly in the corner and cried for the very first time.The cold was chilling her and numbing her body but not her heart which was in pain.It was if it could burst into a thousand pieces never to be whole again.
She looked around for something to cover her.All she could find was her saree..The first thing that her fingers touched.The one she had wore for the seven steps around the agni ..the fire of truth..
She took the cottton wedding saree and looked at it ...yellow with a red border.And she saw herself in it taking those impprtant steps around the fire..she had felt the vow within her...The seven steps ...the seventh step ,When the bride and the groom take the seventh and the last vow, they promise that they would be true and loyal to each other and would remain companions and best of friends for the lifetime

And her whole body racked with sobs that teared her heart apart and her soul was shattered beyond repair.She saw all her dreams and hopes dashed and buried deep within herself..never to come see the light of hope ...
she clasped her hands in prayers and begged god ....for the strenght to go on...

silence

2009-10-01T18:58:00.003+08:00

Silence

Silence is a knife

cutting thru the

distance that seperates us

showing all kinds

of doubts ...casting

shadows

for being in the same room

filled with silence

is diffcult

just imagine the distance

and silence

a letal combination

to pain ones heart...

MM (2009)

Mind

2009-09-30T16:31:00.001+08:00

The beauty of the heart
is seen thru the mind
For true beauty is felt
and not what you see
when it shines thru
the eyes of love
My child..
MM

dearest Ken ...

2009-09-25T22:28:00.005+08:00

Dear Ken,

Take a walk Ken..you comments were in bad taste and uncalled for specially for one living in Singapore... for you aren't no Simon ...but a wannabe Simon ...I read and re read your comments " That was amateurish,it lacks quality BUT you will make a good Vasantham Star" and I said to hell with you .

For you do not deserve to be in that seat or may be you do ...for all your comments seem so for the idols you have chosen...they are all bathroom singers and lack quality and are good for channel fives bathroom singers series...painful!!!???
well feel it Ken...and feel it well...

Its not cool...half your comments make the singers go HUH HUH ...and Gurmit (I shall not use singh ) also goes ...do you understand what he says ..ME too ...he says...

Well Indian music has jumped leaps and bounds ...and you cannot fathom the beauty of it all ...half the world is dancing to it JAI HIND !!! KEN ...

Today .....

2009-09-24T07:58:00.002+08:00

The strong winds
which blow
which dash thru the window ...
frightens me ...
as it lashes it emotions...
and vents its anger
on my window
the window thru
which i view this world
filled with uncertainty
and pain

The birds call out to it own
come back to where
you roost...
for its a dangerous day
my chicks
for its nature at
its best
when it displays its
power
for no one can
contain its fury
No man can
and will
ever can .......
M M (2009)

relationship with a computer

2009-09-17T07:35:00.006+08:00

The wait to see

the name online...

is a pleasure

the only one

felt

for that is how

the life is ...

to live now

for the distance

is hurtful

with unspoken sentences

hanging unseen

ready to

be pounced on

and

to be misunderstood

across the distance

that seperates

this life that is led

with a box of nuts and bolts

and a motherboard...

is the only option

or just hurtful

silence

and yearnings

waiting to be

fulfilled....

M M ( 2009)

The moon is a friend.....

2009-09-15T15:53:00.004+08:00

The Moon is a friend for the lonesome to talk to.

for it listens with a heart
to all that is felt deep within
your soul....
for it is the same moon that
shines on my beloved...
a thousand miles away...

as i skirt the tender waves which
touch me with care
as would you my love...

My soul rises and moves...
across the seas
with the moon as a guiding force
to where you stand alone and in pain
to kiss your hurt away....

MM ©(2009)

today ...

2009-09-13T15:47:00.005+08:00

I woke to a day

Filled with doubt

wondering if

the life I left

filled with pain

and confusion

should have been

left as it was

dreaming a life

better a life stronger

waited me ..

just across the hoirizon

just after that tenth step

the steps that took me away

from a pit that

would have swallowed me

or

was it better to be in that pit

then in this world

where very turn and twist

brings pain and yearning....

yearining for things that are a birthright

but stolen by a unseen karma....

M M (2009)

Unintentional programming

2009-08-14T08:36:00.006+08:00

All I could do was look at my friend talking as she went on about the preparations for the gokulashtami celebrations.But my thoughts were on a different plane.What was wrong with me,this was what I asked herself many times.Why cannot I just go and do the rituals and celebrate Krishna birthday? I have done so for so many years.After all dad had been in charge of the festivities at the Krishna temple and I have stayed overnight singing and having fun and at the same time keeping traditions alive?

I still could see my mother,a short and plump lady but beautiful in her pattu Saree with her big red pottu.Her ears dazzled with diamonds and and her neck also from whatever little could be seen as customary she had her pallu pulled around her shoulders as she stood next to my dad, docile and with contement written all over her face.She had bore him his children all in perfect condition for him to be proud of them.Each had the family trademark which told others ,that is so and so child.
yes I had it too...I think ..It was hard to move around in this small society as I was recognised so easily and acknowledged.Wherever mother went she was given her due respects and many woman admired her Saree's and style and of course whose wife she was.

From young I think I associated all traditions and poojas and dressing with my mom and her way of life.I was kind of totally trained and programmed to be ready to get married and be a good wife like my mother.Then I will enjoy all the respect and admiration she had.All of us sisters were.For it was ingrained in me not by telling me but by subtle means it was in the environment and in every aspect of our life it was in the air we breathe .It was so natural so easily meant to be...
The pottu the sarees ..the jewellery all were part of our tradition.The poojas and observing the fast were our duties to be done with no questions asked.Like robots.

Then i realized thou I thought of myself as very modern and upbeat ,for I was schooled here and not in India as my sisters and read so many books not meant to be read by woman,all these had actually taken root deep within me. the exterior looked modern but the inside was all soft and soggy ...like filled chocolates that dad bought from London ....

yes I had been programmed unintentionally....

yes I got married and last it did not...It was a a typical bad marriage and from day one it was downhill.After marriage I wore my sarees and pottu and the bangles and acted a like a married woman.A married woman wore her saree, pottu and you know the light of the family.Wanted to be like my mom and my elder sisters.I guess this Tamil movies also brainwash us.To make it short it ended not before I had a my share of abuse and pain and dreams all slashed and torn and shredded ..as if a angry mad dog had got hold me and bit me and hit me and my dreams and knocked all sense out of me...and all i believed was my right was taken away from me.

I guess a divorce and a death is the same thing ..a death of dreams and desires.
And he took with him my rights as a Indian woman.To do a pooja in a temple they look for the so called other half.Thou I tell the priest my gothram as per my side of the family,they look at me in disbelief and say your side not your dads..they mutter and shake their heads.

I got an aversion to wearing the saree and the pottu and to jewellery.People look at you neck my dear wear a chain for their sake to shut their mouth my sisters whisper
one part of me revolted at that idea, why for their sake should I ? I am me and Individual and I am not ashamed of myself and what has happened.I am not responsible for what happened I screamed inside me.

But the programming done unintentionally got to me ..for at each turning ...I could only cry hot angry tears and muffle my sobs.For all these were the right of a married woman are they not ..? Thats what I know been told been made to understand ..? When you wear the sindoor it means you are married and a chain means a thali ...a symbol of marriagedom.I could not bear to look at them or wear them when there was no marriage alive.But then was I not born with these rights.My birthright argued another aspect of me.But the unintentional programming had done its job to perfection...
People look and whisper ..those who did not know would ask me ..where is your husband ma ..what work does he do..? I wish i could Tell them all to just mind your business lady..I am not a public property for you to ask me so many questions.But then i see her love for me and for whose daughter I am what we stand for in this society...

Unintentionally programming ..has done it work to perfection, leaving a confused person for it take me time to come to terms with what I thought I was destined for ...

Dummies guide to using backpacks !!!

2009-08-06T22:43:00.007+08:00

Oops I dodged another one , as I struggled to stand without being hit,All I wanted to do was pray!!Say my pranams to bhagavan and be on my way. But as I turned to let one go this side , another hit me from the back.Hey ...I shouted inside me .Give me a break guys...I screamed.But they were all obvious to the us the ones who did not have anything on their back.The odd ones ? It was like from the alien movie, or I was in a nightmare? They all had these strapped on their backs, and they walked swinging their arms.They were not bothered that they were hitting others with it,moving around , not even caring if others were inconvenienced cos of it,as if their birth right,They were born with this contraption.I wondered how about bath times ..? Do they remove it or ....? I giggled to myself picturing them strapped and having a bath ..
the lift opened and more of them poured in ..oh no let me get to a safe corner away from them. I pinched myself ,,was it a dream or a alien species was taking over the bhajan session ......???

As my eyes accustomed to them ..it was just the Backpack ...the humble back pack ..which made students life easier was a number one killer used by adults alike ...man and woman ..who want to use their hands for a better cause...??
May be I should write "50 ways to use a backpak safely "...
Or the "Dummies way to use a backpack safely "

A singapore story

2009-08-02T22:38:00.003+08:00

I never thought that I could cry listening to the songs that are played nearer to the national day ,but cry i did this morning , as the radio blared....

There was a time when people said

That Singapore won't make it,But we did

There was a time when troubles

Seemed too much for us to take

But we did

We built a nation

Strong and free

Reaching out together

For peace and harmony
This is my country

This is my flag, this is my future

This is my life, this is my family,

These are my friends

Singapore, our homeland

It's here that we belong

I guess there was so much more happening this year that made me all sniffy and red eyed.More significance.I was broken and down as hell.closed my business and wondering what am i still doing in this country? Shouldn't I have like the smart people jumped ship and moved on to the US or austraila before it was too late? after all this country is not for us but for the new comers.The goverment was giving them the red carpet welcome and telling us to wake up and move with the times.If you cannot take competition then you have no right to be living is what the message i was reading...

And the song came and the meaning hit come."There was a time when trouble Seemed too much for us to take,but we did "
and I rembered my dad talking about something smiliar that has happened to me now. those were rare moments in his busy times when he could sit and talk about what he has gone thru to survive in this city state.It was 1948...

After the Japanese occupation, the bristish were back. Grandfather was upset.He was in great distress. The country which had welcomed him and given him a purpose and oportunity to build a life for himself and his family was shaky.His contract was in jeapodary.He controlled the harbor port. He was main labour supplier and there were so many lifes dependent on him.He called my father who was his nephew and son in law and confided in him his worry. His young family was still there to be looked after ,eight of them ...And dad promised him that he will take care of them all.
Grandfather fed the labourers on adaily basis near the barini gate where his offices were located..the kottai (shed ) was were the fires burned day in and day out feeding the thousands who worked for him and their families...Kottai govindsamy was a name revered by many .. a lighthouse for all indian immigrants to singapore ...

I guess good hearts are fragile and he passsed away and his funernal was the largest attended by all races...as many cried and lamented a good soul gone ...My mother was pregrent with my brother, and she knew only his love for her mom passed on early in her life.she named her son after the father she loved true...

Dad as promised took his task to heart and put all of grandads property into a trust for the children.But He stood with no cash flow to run the busienss.Eight mouths and a dozen relatives to feed and his own growing family. He felt grandads presence next to him and his undying faith in the divine...and he ploughed on .
He managed to get the contract. Those were the hard times dad would whisper...mom and he pawned the jewellry and started the business again, Not touching grandfathers money ...

Yes he did it..He said with pride.Now here i was in something similar ..would I make it ..? This is my country,this is my nation> Does this nation understand what I am going thru..Or is it all about rules and regulation s and red tape only ...

This is my country

This is my flag, this is my future

This is my life, this is my family,

These are my friends

I wiped my tears and sing the song "We've come so far together Our common destiny
Singapore forever" My voice soars over the radio ...I sing with tears as I wonder If i can survive ...

eight in my life

2009-07-31T08:27:00.006+08:00

As I pass another year in my life,I wonder how childish I was or still am.Another year is a another year ,older wiser and certain changes within us and all over.That's what I am slowly finding out in this year of discovery and pain.

At EIGHT

I had sudden urge to grow some flowers today and what was the impulse to do so.My childhood i guessed with a smile.I was surrounded by much love as a child but it was still a lonely life.Being the youngest in a family of eight each of them had and were in their own level of growth. They had a life which a child could not understand.Their dreams and their desires.So much to see and look forward to. Nothing a child of eight would know or understand.

And yes i was in my own world surrounded by my barbies and my Enid blyton books.
I was in a world of fairies and elves who hid in our garden and lived in toadstools.Away from the humans who stomped about in the garden and were only visible to my eyes.yes they waited for me ...Yes the garden sprouted toadstools and little flowers which the fairies lived on ..and which I fiercely protected away fro the gardener when he tried to mow the grass.If he did it before i came back form school ,it was silent tears and a prayer for rain.For they sprouted fast with welcoming rain.

I read with eager anticipation in the books of about little flower gardens and the life which was present there.So i had my own little patch and I loving planted my little seeds and waited impatiently for them to sprout..yes they did beautiful flowers of all colours and shades .My mother had her rose garden on the other side
with unusual colors for roses ,pink , orange ..white ....but the crooked patch of my flowers were the most beautiful as butterflies came and danced with
my fairy friends and elves.

My life was mingled with the garden and I spent much time in it...as i ran down the steps and thru the kitchen door to my little garden, which kept this child happy as the elders were busy in life which a eight year was not needed.

I studied as I could manage, the language was the only strong point in my life influenced by a native speaker.I read and read Enid Blyton which fueled my love for fairies who could put right all wrongs in this world with their magical wands.They had a life filled with loyalty, pride and to die for their their people ...till one day they just simply disappeared from a mind which grew another year into so called wisdom and maturity..

I stopped at the supermarket near the seeds counter and picked out three packets of flower seeds and carefully put them into my basket and went to the cashiers.The cashier gave me a a smile as she said "flowers madam " ..and I nodded ..maybe she too knows my childhood friends...??

I rushed home and waited for the next morning to plant a garden of love and memories...

I seek

2009-07-30T22:52:00.002+08:00

The words I seek

are from those lips

which refuse to say them

The heart churns

and the eyes light

up with unshed tears

The lips tremble

with untold pain

but none of this

can make those lips

say the words I seek

for the eyes look

at me...

and not at the

yearning

that is reflected

my my eyes ...

M M (2009)

Life is like a dosa

2009-07-21T23:33:00.002+08:00

wanted me to write about the making of a dosa and I thought to myself there are hundreds of sites with recipes and measurements for dosa. Do you need me to bore you also ...I wonder ..what do you say Selva ?

Then I thought to myself as I saw a dosa being made getting all roasted beautifully and crisp ..how life is a dosa!

After the batter has been mixed the next thing we have to watch out for is the griddle or the hotplate.The Hotplate has to be seasoned before a perfect dosa can be made, a new hotplate will not produce a perfect dosa ...not even a ordinary one...no way

The hotplate has to be seasoned first, alot of hard stuff is put on it to make the shiny plate a little rough and scratched.The things which are piled on to it are broken bricks , husk of the wheat and salt.the broken bricks are rubbed on the hotplate and let to season.Only after that can a perfect dosa be made.

So is life, let the hot plate be the life we lead when it is shiny and new we have not become experienced and more knowledgeable.As the dosa is cooked over the flame slowly it changes from a wet batter to a well roasted and well cooked appetizing piece of food which is desired by many.So is it that after our knocks ,hits ,brickbats and scratches(like the hotplate seasoning) in our lifes we become like the perfect dosa all roasted and golden cooked to a perfect crisp and admired by many for being so perfect purr.The perfect product of lifes hard knocks able to meet anything it throws at us .....

So Life is like dosa making ..what do you say Selva ?

Padukas

2009-07-21T23:29:00.000+08:00

have tried my hand at a short story ,...bear with me and tell me your honest comments

The bedroom was bare but for some pillows and a blanket folded in a corner.

For that matter the whole apartment had no furniture, just a couple of cushions scattered

The only thing which stood out was the chair placed in the corner covered loving with a sari and at the foot stood a pair of padukas of her beloved god guru. This was her first home, what she would call "my house" proudly.

She slept on the floor which had a threadbare carpet covering it and in winter it chilled her backbone so that she curled up like a worm to keep warm, her child had a small baby bed on the side, but most of the time she was in her arms her soft face on her bosoms as she dozed peacefully. The blanket covering both as she tried to keep the chilling winter cold away, on the other side oblivious to the cold slept her husband .The day she arrived here, he had not even bothered to buy any blankets and she slept the first night in freezing conditions. She and the baby covered themselves with her sari to keep warm.

There was a half a pint of milk left and the fridge stood empty ….her friend had promised her some money to tide them over the next few weeks .

She has traveled half the world to be with this man who had married her and given her only anguish since the day they were united. Buy the time her baby came, she knew this marriage was a world of doom. Night she slept as her body was racked by sobs she could not control, but cry she did silently or lose her sanity.

Each morning she touched her padukas and prayed and asked god not for a miracle but to heal the man he had selected for her, so the least he would do was work,

But it seemed her prayers fell on deaf ears and each night she cried herself to sleep with her head on his padukas …..

She had come to a realizement that to stay would be a suicide mission for her daughter and her to try to make her husband a man, and a normal man as such,

As she laid and cried her heart out only the words of the doctor echoed in her and his advice to live for herself and her daughter and to leave for her home for good.

She swallowed all her dreams, hopes and most importantly her pride she bought with her as a newly married woman

And walked out of the marriage as a mother who now only lived for the baby she had brought into this world and whom she had a responsibility towards to see her on her feet as a young woman of strength and beauty of mind …..

She left with her child and the pair of padukas of her guru, the one who did not listen to her pleading and prayers to save her soul from suffering

Passage of Karma

2009-07-21T23:26:00.002+08:00

We are the unwanted children of this world,

unloved, abandoned

in search of your love mother

thru the passage of time

we travel in agony,

Oh mother cradle us in your arms and hold us close to your heart

the day will come when we raise up to become one with you

is soon to come , and will come as promised the day we were born

the birthright of each child born in this Universe masked

in karma and suffering ........

M M

The same moon we share

2009-07-21T23:18:00.001+08:00

S it that same moon that we share

across the distance that lies between us

As I stand and look on in wonder

it dawns on me the beauty of it all

Though we are separated by the ocean

its that same moon which shines on us

its the same waves which lap gently on the shore

as we walk along the water

though the distance lies between us

the love is still within us

as that same moon that shines down on us

in our own little part of the world

that we call home

that same moon knows no boundaries

no race or creed

it only feels our love

in rhythm to the heart that beats

in time to the waves which rush ashore

in search of love

Its that same moon.

M M

Could a woman do this to another woman

2009-07-21T23:10:00.001+08:00

A womans view point

Today my maid went back to India finishing her contract with us .She came to us in the year 2004 , as raw as a green banana. She is from a small village in south India near Tanjore.She arrived on Tamil new years day with a lot of enthusiasm and a stubbornness to work and stay put here and totally upset with her family in the village. She did not want to call them or they call her for they had messed her life up.

Her only brother was working here in Singapore and he had made arrangements for her to work as a domestic worker here. He saw it as a way for her to contribute to the family's financial strain .When she entered the home we realized she had ever touched a electrical appliance and was scared to touch the microven.she did not even want to open the door to put a dish in...But later on she only wanted to use it to heat food , even though we had told her certain food had to be heated in the kadai and not the oven.She would never listen and just grin and make my mother go wild.That is a another story.

After a month a sad story enfolded and I was dumbstruck with anger and pity for her. Let s call her Lata.....lata sister was married to a good for nothing drunk who held no real job or even any assets. But alas she did not have a son and only two daughters. So this husband of hers and family were upset with her.They were threatening her that he was going to get married again. What could happen to this family's progression as it would also die with him with no son to carry on the name .The name of a drunk who regularly beat up his wife and was involved with fist fights with the village men?

So the sister to protect her life sacrificed her sisters life to him.She got her married to her husband.Just a gold chain was put around her neck. Lata like a sacrificial lamb went ahead and bore him two sons. Did that change that good for nothing drunk? No he was his usual self.

fast forward and lata came to Singapore to work to get away from that hell on earth .

I have so many questions beating around ,demanding an answer from them ....

First the sister, has this "sacrifice " changed her husband Has he started to work and become a loving husband ?Has he contributed to the the welfare of the family?

What is lata position in the family now ? Will the sister give her all the rights as a "wife" ?Or is she only needed for the breeding part ? will the sister honorably bow out if this wedding and give Lata full rights ? For Lata this is first marriage , she will have her dreams and desires ....

Her brother who as a male member of the family and after the fathers death was solely responsible to protect his sister ? Did he do it ? Or kept conveniently quiet as he took the easier way to see the sister "burden " was married off without additional expenses ?

The Mother and the mother in law as women who should understand another woman's desires and a right to live life as their wish ?

And Lata ...why did she keep quiet ? Was it love which wanted to protect her sisters life ? or just sheer ignorance and trying to be martyr ?

And lastly the society she lives in who stood by and kept quiet.How many woman there must have been in the village , who one day might find themselves or their kin in this position themselves .

There so many orphans who need a parents love and protection, wouldn't adoption been a good way to solve this problem? I know they want their won blood as a heir ...but now days own children throw parents out an refuse to look after them

I am worried ad i find out that another maid in our neighborhood also is in similar shoes and here it is because of a lack of a girl child ,and this is just a tip of the iceberg to say.

There are many more Lata's walking around among us ........How do we help them ?

Constitutional Right to have God help us ?

2009-07-21T23:00:00.000+08:00

Constitutional Right to have God help us ?
A friend asked me after reading my post "me and my scars holding up the sky" whether Do we have some sort of a constitutional right to have God help us or ." I am the master of my fate:I am the captain of my soul."The question is :Are we? How many times have we heard said in prayers "Thy will be done"? How many times "Man proposes, God disposes". How many times have we seen the best laid plans of man go to dust? How many times has the rug been pulled out from under the feet of men when they least expected it?

For me God is not someone who we have to put on a pedestal and pray and wait for him to take time to come to our aid.Do we ask are our parents for food when we were babies and needed a change?

For me god is within me and part of me and I am his creation and he has to take care of me ..for every action is with his permission .. it is his duty to take care of me for I am his child ....this is my concept of how I view Gods responsibilities...

If I have hurt certain peoples sensibilities and views I beg their forgiveness and let this mad person rave on.......

It is between me and my creator .....a fight to have him take care of me as I deserve to be ...
we sue our docotors. lawyers and even parents can be sued for abusing children ...How do I go about suing my CREATOR..?

"Me and my scars, holding up the sky"..

2009-07-13T13:40:00.003+08:00

I was fascinated by this line which I read in Tidal post, "Me and my scars, holding up the sky"..wow describes me so much how I am viewing and living my life.

Just like Tidal I feel I am a superwoman more than me feel it , alot of people expect me to be one. I have to keep on smiling and trudge on non complaining and be happy.I should not ask "why me ? " Accept what life has dished out to me and not question this invisible karma which plays havoc with my life a life that has lost all flavors and leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

If I could see why this karma is affecting me, then I will not question my fate in this life , but to blindly believe that whatever I am suffering is cos of some wrong I did in my previous birth ?

No way !! can I suffer this and take it lying down quietly. I need answers which no one can give and I am not ready to listen to astrology mambo jumbo , which I have learnt thru the hard way is a pack of lies. People make money at your expense and I hope the same karmic force which is taking revenge on me will also takes its toll on this pack of liars called the astrologers .

I just told my astrologer/priest who are you ? to come between me and my creator ? I will talk with the divine force and fight my battles with her. If the force is not able to help and the hands tied then how can it be the all supreme power ?If the Divine cannot help me with my troubles what is the purpose of it being around?

As i struggle to get my answers " me and my scars , are holding up the sky " in my life so that it does not come down and engulf me and the little peace I have in my life that I lead now ........ SO how ever I try to look at life the scars I have suffered will always cloud my vision.....brighten it pale it or make it neutral ..

"Me and my scars " ....give life a different look ..a vision so different ..people look at us differently.. and how I look at this world in a different perspective and in the process make a lot people lament " oh my gosh she gives me a headache "

Something to ponder on in this week and look within...

Mask

2009-07-12T21:50:00.002+08:00

The mask
a mask is my expression
day in day out
as I peer at the world
at its play
at its work
at its unfairnesss
its easier to wear a mask
then show the world my bleeding heart
M M (2008

Best father you can ever imagine

2009-07-09T08:16:00.005+08:00

Best father you can ever imagine

The best father you can ever imagine

for all are daddy's little Angels

to be loved and held

ever so close

away from this world

so cruel

those who throw

stones and words

and tarnish the halo

the halo all Little girls

see their daddy's in

No father will ever hurt his child

the price he had to pay for his

fame

was the shame and anger

they felt

whatever may be

whatever said

he was the

best father you can ever imagine ....

Rest in peace Micheal ....

M M

chumma

2009-07-07T23:28:00.003+08:00

Well selva a friend wrote a blog about nothing (chumma) and I got curious and wonder if it possible to write about "nothing ",I guess you can just aimlessly ramble on and on about "nothing "? Well people do chat about "nothing " and some call it idle gossip and some say an idle mind is a devils workshop . but I think it is good to talk about nothing once in a while to keep your sanity intact in this fast revolving world ...and the rat race.Rat race? I wonder why they call it a rat race and not a Marathon or a cross country race ..because humans are real rats and they take on more then they can chew and mess up their lifes or are the rats from mooska vahannam of Lord Ganesha , the lord responsible to remove all obstacles and to make any process move freely.

People do all kinds of crazy nothings to make lord Ganesha our buddy to fulfill our desires ..like break a 1000 coconuts , offer him modkam and bribe him.

well to come back to "nothing "..if we offer nothing and pray will the gods not listen ...

well I guess so but then the coconut seller will not have an business....so I guess its all a business process ..do I make sense ..?

Well the big ado about nothing ends right now but if you have anything to add feel free and also please forgive me for taking up your time on "nothing " , but I guess I wa so inspired by selva "Nothing " blog that I had to add my share of "nothing " to it and Its also good for the soul like chicken soup for the "nothing " written and I aplogize again and take my leave , as alot of you ,I know will be saying what a "nothing" and slap your head in desperation and say hey go to bed

memories

2009-07-05T15:43:00.006+08:00

There are many things that get memories "Re-activated" by a thought ,a deed and even a smell. There have been instances where when I walk past a cake shop, or a cinema many good memories come rushing back jolting me back to the past. When I was younger past was not something I placed much importance in, the world was mine to do as I saw fit and there was so much to look forward to. As the years rolled by suddenly memories had great value and importance in my life.Just looking at Polar cake shop gave me a warm feeling for my dad took us there and we crammed our faces with cream cakes and downed generous large glasses of milk shake all creamy and rich..with dad next to us beaming and enjoying it all...then a walk to the not in existence capitol theatre for a movie...even some movies have extra special thoughts..
I saw wizard of Oz ,Sound of music and Benhur all with my dad who loved English movies.
Last week I had to pack my brothers bag and as I lugged in his luggage ..I was dazed by a sudden flash back of dad packing....
My dad used to travel a lot.And most trips were on the spur of the moment ,with phone calls coming to inform my sister to pack as the flight was leaving in three hours time. He had his much travelled and trusted luggage which only he used. And the routine was when he rushed back home to pack my sister would have his clothes neatly placed dad would instruct this shirt and that pant.And most importantly the small ivory Krishna who roamed this earth with him was placed in a sandlewood box loving folded in a silk cloth....

Memories like this make me cry but at the same time something to share with my siblings , and when I voice it out our wet eyes meet and we knowing nod our heads.
For my daughter who did not get to this great man .,,,these memories of mine give her some insight into a manwho was loved by so many ....and who she can proudly say is my "Grandad "

2009-02-16T20:44:00.001+08:00

The rays of divine blessing find me Thru
the branches of hurt and pain
as i stand in darkness of the menacing tree of life
it bends thru and reaches me
its beauty makes me speechless
its care makes me weep
for its all overpowering love felt in
its light
My T Lee

dance

2009-02-16T19:30:00.002+08:00

I dance in the light
of the moon as it
shines its force
pulls me to the
centre ofmy heart
as I meditate deep within me
for the meaning of my existence
the days of my life
on this hell and heaven
as i battle this karma
which I do not respect
for it has no right to
exist in the presence of Gods divinty
and power as
I dance in the light of the moon
in the pure bliss of the divines love
M M (2008

karma

2009-02-16T19:22:00.004+08:00

Enough enough of this pain
the stones which hit me
with a force of a hundred throws

a force of karma
of the last birth
I know not what I did
but all I know is
I cannot bear itanymore
enough enough where ever you ar
emy creditor fromthe last birth
I surrender to you as i bleed in pain
of a thousand throws
of hurtfrom my last birth
Take me take me
knead me thruI surrender to thy will
and bow to you

mask

2009-02-14T22:48:00.005+08:00

No effect on my pain

it tears me apart

for nothing or no one

can help

i stand alone

in the storm

that devastates

all my surrounding

I stand unmoving

and feel the bashing

and torns

unable to do anything

for nothing works

in this karmic

world

no help or aid

I smile and

move on

day to day

a smile hides

my sorrow and pain

a mask for this world

thou I move around

all around me

my karma battles

stopping my progress

as I just exist

waiting for time to change

as my faith slowly erodes

and melts

in the agony of this world

M M @2009

wrong timing....

2009-01-20T07:29:00.005+08:00

Interesting article in the papers recently about a official who took an extraordinary holiday with his wife,son and himself...a cooking course at a famous cooking school costing S$15,200 each ...excluding the Air tickets and accommodation. And a 5 week break from his work..and the comment that getting time off was no big hassle.I mentally calculated the cost ..should be around S$60,000.This is more then what some people earn in a year!!!!

Well lucky guy ...even with pay cuts and global slowdown ...he can still take a break and a break costing so much ..this is a luxury most of us cannot imagine right now.I guess there are still many well padded people out there ,where the recession is like water off a ducks back.They can tide over this period with pay cuts....cos the pay is on higher scale and the cuts don't dent them at all ..at the most , they may not buy those expensive shoes or cut down on their weekly spa treatments.AND their six monthly holiday getaways.

Poor guy he innocently wanted to share his novelty trip and got caught ...but there are others who are doing it quietly and getting away with it.He has been warned we are told and it was a setback for the service and apologies for being insensitive to the tiring times that we are going thru ...the article lamented..but the bottom line is this group will have money to spend during the pay cuts and recession the cuts have no effect on their spending patterns ..only thing is ..they have a choice to spend or not spend it ...not like others who Don't have it to spend !

one of the comments in the apology was the other half is in a investment job and if she had spent it would there have been a such a boo hoo...?

All said and done ..it is in poor taste ...and damage has been done.For as we pick up the papers to read each day it is filled with bad news and pain and uncertainty and here is someone who is in the centre involved in making our life's more bearable and in whom we lean for help and comfort!Now we know type of life our policy makers
are enjoying, so how can we expect them to understand the pain that we are going thru ...and can they come out with policies which will benefit us or suit us during this tiring times...? I wonder ...

Is this the place ..for it?

2009-01-15T23:57:00.004+08:00

Is this the place for it ....? Spare the rod and spoil the child ..comes into my mind ,as one screams and the other giggles and one toddler just stomps his feet and wails all this amidst a bhajan singing.where this takes place ,Shridi Sai Mandir in Singapore.The one place i go and sit and in silence I say my prayers and demand an answer from Sai...

This is my sanctuary , a place of worship. Where total silence is a must as people like me with mental tensions and problems sit and come to terms with their predicament.But these Parents do not even bother to control their children .Is it not a place of worship should be given due respect and the child taught to respect GOD ...We are after all in the presence of God .SAI .If really SAI was sitting there in person would we not have kept quiet ? SO it is after all a stone which is sitting there..how do we instill in our kids the importance of behaving appropriately in places ...temple is a place where we talk to GOD and respect others who are also there to talk to GOD ...when do we educate our little ones. Have you seen children running around in the a church or a mosque ..?

As i sat in deep thought a shrill scream jolted me and I could not help myself as i glared at the six children next to me and I clicked my fingers and stared.All the parents did was take to them the other side of the room and let the kids so their ruckus ....It takes time to edcucate the parents ...first ..the children have to wait ...when the elders themselves are so unsure on what is right and wrong ..how to blame the kids ..only pity that there is noone to correct them and make them a well behave adult ..for it all starts at the tender age..good behaviour ...

Free Counter

2009-01-15T07:58:00.004+08:00

When life gives you lemons ....

2009-01-07T16:59:00.004+08:00

Yes life has been giving me a lot of lemons ...a whole orchard of them.Its not like there is any good news left in this world, markets falling businesses going bust , losing jobs, slow down of the whole world. Though most are not affected all are being extra cautious...and that is a double whammy.

I have been told many a time to look for some good in all that i have endured.Its hard to do that...being positive is easy to say , but when u are hit from all sides and you bleed.I tried ...but not so easy.I have one word and that is "Painful"

Having the attitude that whatever happens life goes on . For though you have lost everything, there is life after total disaster. I guess when in destruction then only there is new growth. there is still new hope and possibilities , hard to imagine but then there is.

This is a hard pill to swallow but then its so true,this past one month I have been doing a lot of stuff at home.simple things which I have taken for granted,Being with my daughter ,I have nearly missed her growing up..playing with the dogs .Just sitting at home in the evenings and enjoying the breeze.
I do get up in the mornings thinking I have places to go to ..and I rack my brain and realize ..hey no hurry ..no urgent work waiting for me , no employee taking me for granted and no customer giving me a hard time ..but I do miss meeting them ..I did make some very good friends ..and I have started to cook ,something my kid was missing ...we go to bed at the same time ...not like before as stole in at ungodly hour of 1am to see my little angel sleeping.

Having dinner together and pottering around in the garden ...as around me the world is slowly melting cos it was growing too fast and too big with no one to care how it will all turn up and create a havoc ..as it has been done now .

WHO do we blame ...? Ourselves ? the government ? your neighbours ..? Your enemies ..?

Though the worst is yet to come or not its all in Gods hands ..yes of course ..I have to trust in him and trudge on ...for there is nothing I can do but smell the roses and smile and hope for the better ..just thankful that I may not get caught in the big storm which is brewing up ..as the doomsayers ..have predicted ... the worst is not over yet ...

I have been the hell , gone to the bottom ...the only way is to kick and to come up ...god cannot be cruel and give me more pain ...

SO when life gives you lemons ....YOU MAKE LEMONADE "...................

The day my world stopped

2009-01-06T07:56:00.002+08:00

Yes what I have been dreading and having nightmares about finally has happened.We had to close our business not had to forced to by the circumstances which I tried hard to fight but it was like some dark clouds had gathered around me and was raining its stones,razors and dirt only on me....though I tried to shield myself and protect the business nothing seemed to work ...and the last nail in the coffin was by a certain quarter.....
SO the dreaded event took place one thursday ...I was shattered by the thoughts of payments and my responsibilites.Savings part was a total disater . The slow down of the business had slowly eaten into it. I could not move out of the house and my mobile beeped and beeped. I knew who were my real friends then.

When I sat down and reanalysed , was the finacial meltdown what caused this ? OR it was seen coming a long time ago ...?

All I knew was pain and memories of a 23 year old business go down ....one which had seen many good moments and comments about it .......

I ponder

2008-11-29T14:24:00.001+08:00

In a space of a few days two children caught my attention ..similar age groups....both of them Indians but one a Hindu another a Muslim.

One was in the news as the top student in the Indian category for a national exam where almost 50 000 children sit for the exams. I saw her being interviewed and also read the news paper articles. She talked about her study habits , her routine, and her hobbies..but one sentence resounded almost always ....by a young child of twelve .."by the grace of God " ..

I sat and felt a old familiarity with the words...I have heard somewhere , my lips felt easy with it....Yes I had similar beliefs as a child.I grew up in a very Orthodox family , where life was a round of prayers ,temples and swamjis. I sent out fervent prayers to the almighty for all my wants an desires. Nothing God could not do ..I reasoned and life was so good....then dark clouds came..

The day came when I felt cheated , God was not listening ...anger, tears and helpless ..my whole concept of Grace changed and the I was pushed to the theory of Karma where God can only lighten your burden ,you have to bear it. All my childhood stories came clashing down ...when Draupadi calls Krishna runs to her rescue..more stories when devotees call in anguish the gods rush to the rescue....I am calling my Krishna ..where are you reasoned my very young mind ....

I sincerely hope this girl will not go thru what I did ....where children are fed stories from mythology about Gods greatness and create a certain vision which one day is broken into thousands of pieces and a heart is never the same .....I hope the parents have schooled her in the proper philosophy of Hinduism...which is a very deep and beautiful religion .

The other child is a friend of my daughter and I have know her for the last seven years. A true Muslim child ..very devout child . Recently I saw her on line blog and I was fascinated by the group she had joined ..fascinated or should I say greatly disturbed and sad.the group is "All the people who are against the idea that Muslims are terrorists" A child who has been taught the goodness of her religion has to come to terms with public outcry about 911 and the recent mumbai attacks and many acts of terrorism which is attributed to this religion. I am sure she has to face her friends who will ask her ..."IS it not wrong to kill i in the name of religion ?" Are all Muslims Teresita ? Children can be cruel.....

How does this child come to terms with her religion ? Or for that matter the other child who are too young to reason with clarity the subtle side of these great religions ?

Bloodshed

2008-11-28T22:23:00.002+08:00

why this hatred

in this world we live

for the blood shed is

all the same

there is only one heaven

one world

one love one god

one life

when lost

can never come back

for the tears fall

in a endless stream

for the bloodshed on

mother earth

so pure and full of love

but now a battle ground

for the ignorant

fools who rule this

earth with their

vengeance

in their hearts

and blindness ...................................

M M (2008)>

2008-11-16T09:29:00.000+08:00

This happens during peak dinner time

2008-11-16T09:23:00.000+08:00

who makes the decisions?

2008-06-24T15:01:00.003+08:00

The telephone rang and as I answered I got some sad news. A close family friend's husband had passed away this morning. And the funeral was in the afternoon itself .They are small close knit family , with two young unmarried daughters. Why the hurry to burn the body,I asked my sister. Don;t they want to be able to sit with their fathers body and say their goodbyes and words which the might have wanted to say to him but did not cos of the time and the thought that we can always said later ? I am sure the Decision was not theirs but decided but relatives who have no idea how they feel .

My memories came back as I remembered my dad......I was all of eighteen years when he passed away,after three weeks in the hospital in a coma. Though I was the youngest and most pampered (so say my siblings) I was a bit angry with him ,maybe the rebelliousness of a teenager? And I always think he was hurt that I was angry with him. I used to address him by his name when I spoke of him and that was not done at that time ,cos of my dads standing and reputation.

The last time I saw him before he went into the hospital was when he went around with The Goddess Mariamman in her beautiful chariot (click on link) for the annual fire walking ceremony. As he finished the rounds he sat at a relatives house and his man Friday got him his favorite vegetarian noodles.He looked tired and haggard and did not finish his dinner .That night he was admitted to emergency ward in anticipation of a stroke which he dually suffered and slipped into a coma for three weeks .

And with all prayers and poojas he passed away December 2nd 1982 .....We were all distraught and no we could accept that the Kali we prayed to could be so cruel and take away our dad who loved us .He was the center of our universe and and we needed him to live. We could not take any decisions on the funereal arrangements and a our relatives who thought they were doing us a favor arranged for the funeral the same day. Though I squeaked why so fast,I was not heard in the frenzy of sadness and hurt which engulfed us all and relatives who thought it was a good thing to finish it soon before hysteria over took the family

all i could get was a quick kiss and a daddy I love you ......I went into my shell and self denial.My comfort was books on Bhagavan Baba and his teachings

Down the years when I could think more clearly and my siblings also shared with me , we all felt we should have had the funeral a few days later.So we could sit with the body and say our goodbyes and sorries .Have a private moment with a person who is an important aspect in any ones life ....The Father , Daddy,Dad,Papa....Appa ....all names of love ....a symbol of love.

This is an observation but I feel that its the Hindus who are in a hurry to get the body from the home.Could be I guess as our belief is once the soul leaves the body , there is no meaning to the flesh and bones which once housed that soul.

But what I have noticed in Christan's and Buddist funerals they a have a proper mourning period and the body is allowed to rest in this world for this world to say its goodbye ...

This regret is with me all these years ...a few more hours or even a day more to say to my dad ,my naina ...I love you dad ..please forgive me if I have hurt you ,I want to make you proud of me ........cos I am and will always be proud to be your daughter....

veena - R.vaidya

Perfection within

2008-06-11T15:07:00.003+08:00

My perfection lies within me
as a woman of substance
I shine with love
in my eyes and heart
I walk this earth to rule my life
not the model
I see flashed across the screen
and booksI read with wide wonder
to see a slim waist
so to hold within my hands
Its not in me to be so for
I am created for on a biggercanvas
to be held and loved for
what I am a woman of substance and beauty
M M (2008)

Nee Marilyn Monroe - Benny Dayal, Ujjayinee

Ugly indians beware

2008-06-01T12:13:00.001+08:00

Had the pleasure of meeting a group of Indian tourist today and you may ask me whats the big deal you meet them everyday that is your work ....well it was sheer torture. A group of the rudest Indians ..or should i say the ugly Indians ...

As a customer they have all the right to voice their displeasure but no right to be abusive ...that too to my sister who is much older and was just sitting and chatting with an old friend .

My sister is one who is a real Sweet heart ..her philosophy in life is all humans are nice and should be given a chance.So she is always giving people a chance to prove themselves and a chance to live.And they made her cry ........though she knew she was one of the bosses.

This young lady in the group was highly offensive and she thinks she is in India where the service staff can be treated like dirt ..hey this is Singapore and we treat people with respect..If a young person who travels does not know how to behave on foreign ground , I pity India for having such citizens who are ambassadors of their countries.and while this young lady was abusive , the eldest in the group kept quiet .what kind of breeding is this?

whats the point of having money when good breeding is not there ....to have money is not important but having some class and some humility is important.

Hey I have met all kinds of Indians from India who were good friends of the family.Some from the Rajah family, Great actors ,Big business families and Directors and producers whose main trait in them is their humility and humbleness.I have had a famous producer from Chennai whose trade mark is folded arms who was so nice to my staff who bugged him for a picture . I have tourist guides who after heir groups are over come into the kitchen and thank all the staff.Such is Indian tradition , but sorry to say all that is gone wit the new money which has washed this off and I see only arrogance and rude behavior ....I am ashamed to be an Indian

I was told they were from Chennai and Trichy and I know I will meet them again and that too On my ground again .........

Where did we meet

2008-04-23T14:01:00.003+08:00

where did we meet my friend
just a mere 365 days ago
but it was as if it was meant tobe
thru a timeless tunnel
we traveled to meet this day
we were born across the globe
in another time and place we lived our life
so separate as if it was our right
not knowing we will meet one day as designed
by the cosmic forces which rule within us
we met in wonderment this strange attachment
we felt surprised by the knowledge of oneness
that seem to tingle within us it
was happiness and surprise that battled within us
as we tried to keep away wondering why this attachment as
we had already designed our lifeswith our partner and kin
why a new attachment why a new friendship out of the blue
to stop a well planned liferoutine to include a new soul
amidst so much of chaos as we tried to edge away we were
thrown together beyond the control of our hands
beyond our rational minds so we bowed and
let it be let our paths cross and mingle
as we unravel the mystery of this relationship
never to part again
M M (2008)@copyrightb

Rice

2008-04-20T12:40:00.005+08:00

Life is a drama ,if you can understand the plot then great happiness

2008 a year of stress and ups and downs for me . The year started as if I was on a obstacle race and as I slowly jumped over each hurdle and landed on my two feet , bruised but otherwise intact ...and re looked my business plans and re plan my menu ... I get some terrible news .....SHORTAGE OF RICE ....!!!
Oh no ...whats happening to this world we live in ..as people started talking about how to live on potatoes and bread and even television shows on potatoes recipes.My mom went into memories of how during the Japanese occupation , her dad was the only one who could afford and procure rice and fed many. During her wedding which took place during the Japanese occupation and the chief guest of honour was Subhas chandra Bose ,rice was served to all wedding guest....which was the biggest highlight.The bride was in a cotton Saree as silk Saree's could not be bought in from India.But rice was available....
In my restaurant I use only ponni rice which is a parboiled Indian rice which I bought at $23 for 25kgs but now it is $9.50 for 5kgs .Now it looks like basamathi is cheaper and hopefully our basamthi suppliers do not get ideas and hike the price.
But I wonder what is happening to the world which has developed so much in technology and advanced so much , have they ignored the basis needs of this world ? A world without rice ? or rice priced at $100 for 25kg ? ...rationing ? how will it affect my business as in a Indian restaurant rice is a important stable food ...
If I feel it so bad , how are the poorer countries feeling it ? are they on the brink of starvation ..children ..growing children ...how about them ? Has man kind abused nature and its resources.?
By using fertile farmlands to build houses and sucking the earth of its water by pumping it dry ?Man kind has polluted the earth and in turn mother earth his showing us its bruises and abuse ..which is a chain reaction....we have in one way or another been involved in this carnage
I am no expert on acclimatisation , green house effect , recycling and conserving natural res sources but one thing I am so sure of ,We have abused our natural resources and we are paying for it now>

"The Universe will provide"- The Secret

2007-07-02T21:08:00.000+08:00

So what is The Secret? In three words :Ask, believe, receive.

The book "The Secret" is written by a Australian author Rhonda Byrne when everything in her life was going wrong,Physically,emotionally and financially.

The Author says thinking hard can get you what you want

Ask

the Secret states that the world is based on the law of attraction, and that life attracts like. Simply thinking about what we want in life , we can attract these things in our lives. the universe is not just some unfeeling empty space with stars , it is an like the genie in Aladdin's lamp. willing to grant, all of your wishes not just three.

Similarly,if yo constantly worry about relationships ,being in debt or getting a parking ticket, you can attract these events to you .

Believe

Aside from thinking about something, you also need to feel the feeling of having that thing now. If you want a new car, you must not just be thinking about it, you must also have the feeling of owning it , driving it, and even imagine the new car smell. A stumbling block is when people cannot see how it can happen and lose faith . There is no time frame on when the universe will deliver , but one suggestion is to think of an old friend and see how long it takes before he or she contats you , directly or thru another friend.

Receive

Receiving is the easiest part, but it can also be the hardest, Really believing that you deserve to be happy or rich or successful is essential to achieving these things. And you should also be grateful for for all things received.

In the Secret Film we area advised to "decide what you want , Believe you can have it .Believe you deserve it and it is possible for you .

"And then lose your eyes everyday for a few minutes , visualize having what you already want , feeling the feelings of already having it ...

"then go into your day and release it to the universe and trust that the universe will figure out how to manifest it for you "

(Taken from The New paper )